PASSION FOR CHRIST....PASSION FOR LOVE
"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile." Romans 1:16
My love for Christ continues to grow more and more every day. But I must be honest with you. It hasn't always been this way..........................
I grew up going to church on Sunday as a child. I remember going to vacation bible school and having lots of fun at church sneaking off to the restroom with friends to talk and look in the mirror. Lol You know little girls are!
But as I got older church stop being fun and I actually had began to start paying attention to the pastor on Sunday. I remember he would always start out with a scripture but by the end of the service he was yelling at the congregation about something they had done wrong like not paying tithes, gossiping, and a host of other things. I was basically under the leadership of a pastor who used the pulpit to criticize his congregation. Not to mention the fact that he was having an affair with one of the members of the church and there was lots of fighting and bickering go on at church regarding the affair.
At home I NEVER witnessed my family pray or read the bible. My grandma was a faithful church goer but before we could even leave off of the church grounds on Sunday she was yelling and cursing at us!!! My parents would have the secular music on as we drove to church and once we pulled onto the church grounds we would turn it down or off to respect God.
In spite of the fact that no model of healthy Christianity lifestyle was place in my life something still drew me near. When I turned 12 I decided by tradition that it was time that I got baptized. I started attending bible study and getting more involved in church. Then one evening I was asked to read from the bible and I couldn't pronounce the words and I was made a laughing stock of the classroom that night. I never went back to bible study after that. I was dealing with enough of that at school and I knew I couldn't quit school but going to church was a choice and so I changed my mind.
I felt like I had good reasons. I didn't want to be a fake Christian. I knew that God wanted me to do right from wrong and I couldn't stop doing wrong. I knew that I didn't want to be like the examples set before me. I would still attend church on Sundays but I would fall asleep or when I tried to pay attention I would get lost in all the criticizing and lose interest. I knew that God sent people to hell for bad things that they did and I believed that he hated all sinners, including me.
I was afraid of God.
DO YOU SEE SOMETHING HERE????
I began to draw an conclusion about who God was based on how the Christians I knew and how I acted. I thought He sat on his throne in heaven casting people in heaven and hell. I never knew about his LOVE, GRACE, and MERCY. I never knew about the Holy Spirit living on the inside of me.
Home life was rough for me. At a very young age starting at 6 I was molested and it got swept under the rug as if it never happened. By the time I was 12 I was addicted to masturbation and I even use to sneak and watch porn. I struggled with my sexuality for a very long time. I lived in soooooo much secret shame as a child and I had no one to share my pain with about my issues so I buried them.
I believed that God was mad me for the secret things I was doing to my body so that added to my disconnect toward him.
By the time I was 17 I had lost my virginity, dated girls, been raped, and was now pregnant with my first child. My life continued to spiral out of control but to the outside world I seemed to have it all together. I graduated high school with honors, I kept a decent job as an adult, I attended college, I had my own place and a nice car. My son and I was well dressed.
BUT on the inside of me I was still battling with a lot of issues. At 21 I had just had my second son and after having a really hard time with his father and being depressed I started drinking alcohol and taking ecstasy to ease my inner pain.
I was really disappointed in myself and I felt like and knew that I was living under a curse and I didn't know how to break free. I struggled financially for a majority of my life as well too. But in my family that been normalized. I felt like a failure towards my kids and I really began to feel like life was meaningless. If this was all life was about then I had really failed my children. I didn't want them to grow up thinking that fun only consisted of getting drunk at happy hour. I didn't want them to grow up not being able to trust friends. I didn't want them to grow up thinking that the only way out of the hood was to sell dope or do something illegal. I didn't want them thinking that being in love looked like the broken examples I laid before them. But that was all that I witness and like a cycle I became the very person I didn't want to be.
Then I met a man who promised me a better life. He called it "stepping out on faith." I left everything to follow this dream only to discover that I had been tricked into another hell on earth. This man became my pimp and sexually exploited me.
I lost my identity. Since I never had an identity in Christ I built it on how people saw me and the possessions I had. Once I got with my pimp he took all that away from me and gave me a new identity to live by. In my eyes I felt like this period in my life was God punishing me for all the wrong that I had done in my life. It would even lead to a suicide attempt and everything.
I would eventually escape my pimp and the industry for good and move back home. I began to get my life back on track. I got my sons back. Got my decent job again and my own place. BUT still something on the inside of me was still broken.
There was a lady at my job who used to always talked about God. This time it was in a way that I had never seen before. She acted as though she really loved God and knew him. Something told me to share something with her and one day I slipped her a note asking, " Could someone who has sold their soul to the devil change their mind and get it back?"
Her response, " NO ONE can ever sell their soul to the devil he can borrow it but our souls belong to JESUS CHRIST."
I wasn't convinced. She began to explain to me that it didn't matter what I had or what had been done to me if I was truly wanting to change and be forgiven I could repent. She wrote out the sinners prayer to me and in my cubicle at work that evening I prayed and accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.
It would be a year later before I went back inside of a church to get baptized again and make my dedication to Christ public.
Growing up I what I witnessed traditional and religious based Christianity. Something in me desired to be more than that. Someone at my old church got me a bible and I began to read it at home in my private time and it just blew my mind. There was so much hope and promises in the bible. There was also some very strong convictions about what God wanted from his people to do while living here on earth.
For me I never liked living a double life I wanted to see the Word of God be lived out in my life. I knew it was impossible for me to follow rules and regulations because I had been a rebel all of my life. The young adult pastor at the church I attended began to share with me about the power of the Holy Spirit and grace.
With the power of God living on the inside of me I could began to live a life that reflected the word of God.
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6:19
As I began to spend more time alone in prayer and reading the bible a passion to share the gospel with people was planted on the inside of me.
SOOOO many people define or view God based on how others they know who profess to know God treat them. People also see God as this big mean image and we assume that if we avoid getting to know more about him or seek him even in our imperfect life that he is going to zap us or something. But it's soooooooo far from the truth.
Jesus Christ came into the world to set us free from bondage and pain. He came to give us a better life while here on earth but a lot of us place value on people, things, and jobs to bring meaning to life.
But what if the job fails? What if that people fail you? what if you lose all the possessions you have?
Will sink into a deep dark depression? will you turn to alcohol or late night comfort eating and gain all this weight? Will you continue to go and circles looking to other ways to bring meaning into your life?
I lived a life that depended on all temporal things and my own strength but when that all failed me over and over again I lost all hope.
Then God intervened and gave me a new anchor. Jesus Christ.
If people knew how much God loves us and know their hearts would break and want to change. mines did.
My life has changed so much since I've embraced Gods love.
When I was in with my pimp and my attempt to escape failed me and the other girls he had working for him began to exchange stories. Each of us had fallen for different lies of hopes and promises for a better life. Many of the girls I worked had been in the industry over 4 years but they wanted out and were afraid to leave. Some had believed that this was the only way to live and they weren't concerned with leaving anymore. They had lost all hope. I remember telling them, " if you won't leave I will leave for all us and I'm going to find us a better way."
Back then I had no idea of what that better was going to be. Today I know it's Christ love and walking in the freedom that he has he promised us! I hope to one day see my sisters again and share the love of Christ with them but if I never cross their paths again I hope someone else will see past what they do and want to share Christ love with them. Not only do I want my sisters to know his love I want all people to know his love.
That's what I love to do. that's my passion: LOVE
what's yours?
My love for Christ continues to grow more and more every day. But I must be honest with you. It hasn't always been this way..........................
I grew up going to church on Sunday as a child. I remember going to vacation bible school and having lots of fun at church sneaking off to the restroom with friends to talk and look in the mirror. Lol You know little girls are!
But as I got older church stop being fun and I actually had began to start paying attention to the pastor on Sunday. I remember he would always start out with a scripture but by the end of the service he was yelling at the congregation about something they had done wrong like not paying tithes, gossiping, and a host of other things. I was basically under the leadership of a pastor who used the pulpit to criticize his congregation. Not to mention the fact that he was having an affair with one of the members of the church and there was lots of fighting and bickering go on at church regarding the affair.
At home I NEVER witnessed my family pray or read the bible. My grandma was a faithful church goer but before we could even leave off of the church grounds on Sunday she was yelling and cursing at us!!! My parents would have the secular music on as we drove to church and once we pulled onto the church grounds we would turn it down or off to respect God.
In spite of the fact that no model of healthy Christianity lifestyle was place in my life something still drew me near. When I turned 12 I decided by tradition that it was time that I got baptized. I started attending bible study and getting more involved in church. Then one evening I was asked to read from the bible and I couldn't pronounce the words and I was made a laughing stock of the classroom that night. I never went back to bible study after that. I was dealing with enough of that at school and I knew I couldn't quit school but going to church was a choice and so I changed my mind.
I felt like I had good reasons. I didn't want to be a fake Christian. I knew that God wanted me to do right from wrong and I couldn't stop doing wrong. I knew that I didn't want to be like the examples set before me. I would still attend church on Sundays but I would fall asleep or when I tried to pay attention I would get lost in all the criticizing and lose interest. I knew that God sent people to hell for bad things that they did and I believed that he hated all sinners, including me.
I was afraid of God.
DO YOU SEE SOMETHING HERE????
I began to draw an conclusion about who God was based on how the Christians I knew and how I acted. I thought He sat on his throne in heaven casting people in heaven and hell. I never knew about his LOVE, GRACE, and MERCY. I never knew about the Holy Spirit living on the inside of me.
Home life was rough for me. At a very young age starting at 6 I was molested and it got swept under the rug as if it never happened. By the time I was 12 I was addicted to masturbation and I even use to sneak and watch porn. I struggled with my sexuality for a very long time. I lived in soooooo much secret shame as a child and I had no one to share my pain with about my issues so I buried them.
I believed that God was mad me for the secret things I was doing to my body so that added to my disconnect toward him.
By the time I was 17 I had lost my virginity, dated girls, been raped, and was now pregnant with my first child. My life continued to spiral out of control but to the outside world I seemed to have it all together. I graduated high school with honors, I kept a decent job as an adult, I attended college, I had my own place and a nice car. My son and I was well dressed.
BUT on the inside of me I was still battling with a lot of issues. At 21 I had just had my second son and after having a really hard time with his father and being depressed I started drinking alcohol and taking ecstasy to ease my inner pain.
I was really disappointed in myself and I felt like and knew that I was living under a curse and I didn't know how to break free. I struggled financially for a majority of my life as well too. But in my family that been normalized. I felt like a failure towards my kids and I really began to feel like life was meaningless. If this was all life was about then I had really failed my children. I didn't want them to grow up thinking that fun only consisted of getting drunk at happy hour. I didn't want them to grow up not being able to trust friends. I didn't want them to grow up thinking that the only way out of the hood was to sell dope or do something illegal. I didn't want them thinking that being in love looked like the broken examples I laid before them. But that was all that I witness and like a cycle I became the very person I didn't want to be.
Then I met a man who promised me a better life. He called it "stepping out on faith." I left everything to follow this dream only to discover that I had been tricked into another hell on earth. This man became my pimp and sexually exploited me.
I lost my identity. Since I never had an identity in Christ I built it on how people saw me and the possessions I had. Once I got with my pimp he took all that away from me and gave me a new identity to live by. In my eyes I felt like this period in my life was God punishing me for all the wrong that I had done in my life. It would even lead to a suicide attempt and everything.
I would eventually escape my pimp and the industry for good and move back home. I began to get my life back on track. I got my sons back. Got my decent job again and my own place. BUT still something on the inside of me was still broken.
There was a lady at my job who used to always talked about God. This time it was in a way that I had never seen before. She acted as though she really loved God and knew him. Something told me to share something with her and one day I slipped her a note asking, " Could someone who has sold their soul to the devil change their mind and get it back?"
Her response, " NO ONE can ever sell their soul to the devil he can borrow it but our souls belong to JESUS CHRIST."
I wasn't convinced. She began to explain to me that it didn't matter what I had or what had been done to me if I was truly wanting to change and be forgiven I could repent. She wrote out the sinners prayer to me and in my cubicle at work that evening I prayed and accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.
It would be a year later before I went back inside of a church to get baptized again and make my dedication to Christ public.
Growing up I what I witnessed traditional and religious based Christianity. Something in me desired to be more than that. Someone at my old church got me a bible and I began to read it at home in my private time and it just blew my mind. There was so much hope and promises in the bible. There was also some very strong convictions about what God wanted from his people to do while living here on earth.
For me I never liked living a double life I wanted to see the Word of God be lived out in my life. I knew it was impossible for me to follow rules and regulations because I had been a rebel all of my life. The young adult pastor at the church I attended began to share with me about the power of the Holy Spirit and grace.
With the power of God living on the inside of me I could began to live a life that reflected the word of God.
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6:19
As I began to spend more time alone in prayer and reading the bible a passion to share the gospel with people was planted on the inside of me.
SOOOO many people define or view God based on how others they know who profess to know God treat them. People also see God as this big mean image and we assume that if we avoid getting to know more about him or seek him even in our imperfect life that he is going to zap us or something. But it's soooooooo far from the truth.
Jesus Christ came into the world to set us free from bondage and pain. He came to give us a better life while here on earth but a lot of us place value on people, things, and jobs to bring meaning to life.
But what if the job fails? What if that people fail you? what if you lose all the possessions you have?
Will sink into a deep dark depression? will you turn to alcohol or late night comfort eating and gain all this weight? Will you continue to go and circles looking to other ways to bring meaning into your life?
I lived a life that depended on all temporal things and my own strength but when that all failed me over and over again I lost all hope.
Then God intervened and gave me a new anchor. Jesus Christ.
If people knew how much God loves us and know their hearts would break and want to change. mines did.
My life has changed so much since I've embraced Gods love.
When I was in with my pimp and my attempt to escape failed me and the other girls he had working for him began to exchange stories. Each of us had fallen for different lies of hopes and promises for a better life. Many of the girls I worked had been in the industry over 4 years but they wanted out and were afraid to leave. Some had believed that this was the only way to live and they weren't concerned with leaving anymore. They had lost all hope. I remember telling them, " if you won't leave I will leave for all us and I'm going to find us a better way."
Back then I had no idea of what that better was going to be. Today I know it's Christ love and walking in the freedom that he has he promised us! I hope to one day see my sisters again and share the love of Christ with them but if I never cross their paths again I hope someone else will see past what they do and want to share Christ love with them. Not only do I want my sisters to know his love I want all people to know his love.
That's what I love to do. that's my passion: LOVE
what's yours?
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