Break the cycle

Break the cycle.....

About 5yrs ago I went into this deep depression. I began to ask myself is this it? Dead end job? Meaningless relations? In school just be in debt? More bills than cash flow?

I had secretly become very disappointed about my life. I felt like such a failure. I had just had my second son with a man who was literally a stranger because what I thought I knew about him was a lie including the name he gave me. There I was 21 with two little boys to raise and I could barely even raise myself...... 

I felt cursed. It was like every relationship I had went wrong. Nothing that I did ever really fulfilled me. Excitement would soon fade after a few months. The only thing that kept me afloat were my children but I felt like I had truly let them down. 

I asked myself, " what do I truly have to offer them? Is this really all they have to look forward to when they grow up?" 

I knew somewhere along the way I had missed the mark on life. I figured I must had missed out on a lesson about life or something and I wanted an answer! 

I  didn't know where I was going to get my answers from. No one around me seemed to even care that their lives were meaningless. 

I remember feeling so alone and even sometimes guilty. I knew so many who would have loved to be in my shoes. A decent job, car. Closet full of clothes/shoes, and school. 

Yet inspite of all the those "things" I wanted and desired for my life to mean so much. 

 But in the midst of it all I began to party more and I started doing drugs and alcohol. 

Somehow the need to have my questions answered turned into desperation. Then, I end up meeting a man who wants to help me answer those questions. He wants to show me that there is more to life.

Next thing you know I'm calling this man my pimp and life goes down hill from there....

You can read more about that part of my life in other post..

My point today is this, 

When I was being sexually exploited, doing drugs, and living totally out of Gods design for my life I remember this one thing my mom told me, 

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Just how your grandparents changed their lives when they got older you will eventually do the same. It's just a phase."

To witness your child live a life of destruction is a phase? For who? I pray not my children? 

Now 5yrs layers I'm on my journey to healing and I start thinking back to what my mom had told me that day. 

I was part of a curse that needed to be broken. Look at it like this, if you come from a family of preachers more than likely the family will expect you to follow in those same steps. Being a preacher isn't as bad as having a family of alcoholics, promiscuity, or drug addicts.... 

Look back over your choices and your life... Did others in your family walk down some of the same paths as you? 

Will you be the one to break the cycle from your family? 

From drug addicts to a generation of lawyers? From broken marriages to a generation of marriages lasting until death?? From employee to a generation of business owners??

"You shall now bow down to them or worship them; for I, The Lord your God am a jealous God punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments."Exodus 20:5,6

Are you the one??????

Choose Christ Jesus

Choose new life