Human Trafficking Awareness Month "A Survivor shares her story"

I had my first pimp at the age of 21. When people hear pimp they see a guy in a pimped out suite wearing gators and driving an old school Cadillac. LOL I have to laugh. Maybe in the old days but I’m talking about 21^st century pimps. They rock true religion, Gucci, Louie, Prada, and the list goes on. They live in golf courses communities, beach front homes, middle class neighborhoods, and all. I’ve met pimps who own their own recording label, travel with goons and an entourage, and even had a training for the newbies. I’ve seen pimps be called boyfriends and husbands instead of pimp to please the woman.

Then I get the question “how could you fall for a pimp?” Before I answer the question I need you to be willing to be open minded. Keep in mind this is my story my life my walk and the experience I had. I’m not sharing this to be justified or to be liked or felt sorry for. I’m justified through Christ and that’s all I need. I will try my best to be as transparent and honest as I know how to be.

Before I had my first encounter with a pimp I was burnt out with men and dating. Around 2008 my ex-boyfriend and I ended our relationship due to his secret porn addiction and me refraining from having sex with him. I was only 20 at the time so we never thought about getting help. He crashed our lab top, ran up the cable bill, and kept his bank accounts in the negative. It didn’t help that we were struggling financially due to my plea to want to “move out of the hood” prematurely. Money and sex issues in a relationship is so difficult. We broke up and I ended up hanging out with friends more. I never got a chance to heal from the break-up and I just covered it up and kept it moving. I started talking to someone else and I found myself pregnant. I thought having children was something special. I felt honored to be a mom. Being an only child myself I use to want 5 kids so I would never have to be lonely again. I never imagined that I would have children with men who were just like my Dad. Absent. But I was cool with being a single mom. I watched my mom do it so I figured I could handle it too. I realized the hard way that men don’t view children as a gift from God. My sons Dad seemed to be great with the son he already had but I would later find out why. I had my second son and I was left to raise my boys alone. His Dad said he would be around but I had to compromise for that to happen. He was only nice if I agreed to have sex with him. He harassed me for money and even tried to consider that it was a good idea for us to move together. I declined all propositions. I found out that he had another chick pregnant at the same time as me. I begin to feel as though he got me pregnant on purpose just to use me. When we dated he never mentioned using a condom. I admit I was naïve and even a bit careless but in my eyes if I took a risk on you I felt you were worth it at some point. I was nervous about getting a disease but I took his word that he didn’t have anything. I would pray asking God to protect me but if he didn’t I would find a way to live with the consequences of my actions since I chose to engage in it.

After turning 21 I started clubbing more with friends and one of them introduced me to the pill ecstasy. We ended up getting into a huge argument shortly afterwards and ended our friendship. I met some ladies at my job who seemed to be really nice and I started hanging with them from time to time. Trying to keep up with bills, keeping me and the kids fly, and partying so much things were getting rough financially. I had recently been promoted at my job and found myself bored again. I wanted something different in my life and being that I had so much responsibilities I needed some extra money to stay afloat. I didn’t stay in college long enough to obtain my degree and I didn’t even want to return back. I sat all around people at work who carried degrees and made exactly what I made or a dollar an hour more. One of my co-workers did modelling on the side and told me she knew of a guy that could help me. I didn’t want to be a model either. I had just had a baby so my body was not fit for that. My uncle sold dope and I had even went to him to see if I could just be a driver but he said no. I didn’t know what to do. Credit cards all maxed out and I had been getting pay day loans all over town so I owed everybody. At the time I was managing and paying everything back but being broke by Saturday every time I got paid was killing me. I didn’t want to be living in that cycle all my life. I didn’t want my boys to miss out on things because I couldn’t get my money right. I believed that making lots of money was the answer I needed. I tried popping an ecstasy pill every time I went clubbing. I would feel so free and painless. I felt confident and fearless. Then when the high was gone it was back to reality. My co-worker introduced me to a guy named 2kold. We met at a club called Beamers in Dallas. We talked for a little while and he told me that he couldn’t help me. After talking briefly he expressed that he didn’t want to be the person responsible for introducing me to what he did. He told me that most women he knew had already been involved in the game. He wouldn’t even tell me what they did. He just said it wasn’t for me. 2kold told me that I had to travel which meant I would have to leave my job. I wasn’t feeling that. I just wanted a good little side hustle. He kept my number and told me if he knew of anybody that could help me he would hit me up. I never seen men as a provider because no man in my life has ever taken care of me or helped me with anything. Guys I knew would ask me for money. I remember thinking I was cursed because my relationships with men were horrible. I wasn’t a bad person but back then I could never figure out why I always ended up heartbroken or used. I was tired of compromising. Men should come with a disclaimer cheater, liar, co-dependent, boring, and etc. I just wanted to love and be loved. I wanted my boys to have a male figure in their life not a liar. I wanted someone who would be real with me.

A friend and I went on a Friday night. I remember popping a pill and we were trying to figure out what club to go to. I got a call from a friend who danced at Onyx and she wanted me to come pick her up because she wasn’t feeling good. When we got there she was screaming and holding her stomach saying that she was never dancing again. (SHE DIDN’T GO BACK EITHER!!) While we were in the parking lot my phone rang and it was 2kold. When he pulled up two other SUVS did too. 2kold drove an escalade at the time and I remember a Navigator. A guy from the navigator jumped out and came up to me and told me to get in his ride. I drove my car and my friend was trying to see what was going on but he spoke for me. She came over to the truck and I told her to take my car home and I would hit her up later. Instantly my pill kicked in and my life was never been the same since that night. It was like I crossed over into a whole new world I had never seen before.

The Wilderness

I don’t remember being nervous or afraid. His name was 921Degrees and he told me he was a rapper. We rode around listening to music and he got on the phone with someone and said he had him a bitch. When I asked him if he was calling me a bitch he said smoothly something like bitch wasn’t a bad word to him. 921 was what you could call a finesse pimp. He told me it stood for Beautiful Intelligent Talented Charismatic Hoe. My little high self was so into the first few words I just ignored the little three letter word. H.O.E. He had words for that too. He was handsome and funny but most of all 921 listened to me that night. We went back to his friends place and talked until the sun came up. I was being interviewed and I didn’t even know it. I was venerable and he ran with it. What guy wouldn’t have? He explained to me why I was having a hard time with men. He told me I was square (people who work 9 to 5 and have no knowledge of the game.)  He told me that no man would take me serious because I already had 2 kids of my own and most men today are still boys. He told me that squares were weak and dumb. Instead of a square man just saying he just wants to have sex he lies and tells you they love you when they don’t.

(My First Pimp with me another girl New Years 2010)

 He said square dudes to him were so nasty because they had sex unprotected with anybody. He said they lie and make the square (me and you) chick feel special when all he want is a nut. I couldn’t defend myself because it was very true what he said and I had never looked at it that way. He told me I was too beautiful to go out like that. He told me my boys deserved better than that. He asked me if I ever thought about modelling. I told him about my issues with my body and told me all that could be fixed. I told him about the ugly scar on my chin. He just laughed saying nobody is paying attention to that and it wasn’t visible unless I bring attention to it. We talked about what seemed like everything. He told me I could make it being a model but I had to trust him, stop speaking negatively, and doubting myself. He told me he was a pimp and that I would be paying him. I looked at it as if he would just be managing my money. We didn’t even go to sleep that night and when the morning came we went to my place. I went over to my friends place to get my keys and I started telling her about the night I had. She was worried about me but I promised her all was well and I wasn’t going to do anything crazy like leave my job. She had someone staying with her at the time and she overheard us talking. She was just crashing and she had no kids, no job, no money, or no hustle. She immediately said that she wanted in. I agreed to let her meet 921 because I didn’t want to be by myself. In her eyes she had nothing to lose. Instantly she liked him. She smoked weed and he did too and when I think about back on it she probably just wanted the free weed. He took us out to eat and talk. My mom was a little worried that I hadn’t picked up the boys because it wasn’t like me. I would normally always get them afterwards or early the next morning. My mom was very patient with me and sometimes wouldn’t mind letting me have a break. I realized that I grew up fast and it seemed she sometimes felt guilty about it so she would let me have my fun at times. Monday came and I got up to get dressed for work as normal and 921 was in the living room sleep. He told me that I needed to quit my job. I told him I could call in but he said that wasn’t enough. He told me if I was serious about not being a square anymore and really living my life I had to let the job go. He told me that I would probably never have another chance like this and I wouldn’t be alone doing it because he would be there to help me along the way. I called and told my boss I couldn’t come to work anymore and I could tell he was very skeptical but he hung up. He called me right back and told me to come and sign my resignation letter just in case I needed to come back. 921 had a way with words and to him the game was freedom and my breakthrough. I was told and believed I was stepping out on faith. I had to do what nobody would do. 921 claimed to live in New Orleans and told me that I would eventually have to go there. I wasn’t in a rush to leave my kids though. Then he broke the news to me that I was going to be dancing. I was so naïve to everything I tried to use my real name as my stage name. I thought Chanel was a good name for a dancer. 921 said I was to act but I wasn’t an actress I only knew how to be myself. He gave me the name Charisma. He didn’t want me drinking or popping pills. Immediately a guy I went to high school with came in. We didn’t talk in school so I didn’t think much of it. He came to the stage where I was dancing and signaled for me to come close to him. He asked me, “How could someone like yourself end up in a place like this? You could be a model or something but not this.” In high school I didn’t have many friends. I wasn’t the chick who all the guys chased so I had no idea he even paid me any attention. Before I got pregnant with my son I dated girls in high school until the girl I thought loved me ended up pregnant by one of her guy friends. Guys would call me ugly and just say I dressed nice. But he told me that most of the guys he knew was afraid to approach me because I looked mean and I was too smart and they didn’t feel they met my standards. The first time God planted a seed of hope in my life.

I didn’t like stripping. I didn’t even like having sex like that but it was easier and the money came quicker. I was stripped naked from the inside out. There was no way I could go back to my normal life if this ever got out. It seemed like I had a stamp on my head that I was in the game. Everywhere I went somebody was claiming to be a pimp or a hoe. At the barbershop, corner store and gas station. I mean where ever I went people were approaching me. I felt as though I was being played on every side. Marriage or boyfriend? Yeah right! The things my eyes had witnessed from men I was no longer concerned about being a girlfriend or future wife at all. Travelling, hitting licks (robbing tricks), riding, and living lavishly. Exotic cars, condos off the beach, gated communities, and I never had to look at another bill. Shopping sprees and I got to meet so many amazing people from different walks of life even while in such a dark place in my life. But all that is on the outside. Behind closed doors was where the real hell was. I’ve lived in homes with 3 to 10 women at a time with one pimp. Women were being tortured sexually. Women were receiving beatings. Women were losing custody and even having kids with the pimps. Women came up missing after getting out of line with the pimp. I hit a brick wall and I didn’t know what to do or believe. My experience was done mainly sober. When I got the chance I would drink and be willing to try and do any drug that came my way to block all this turmoil. The pimps would give us pills on our off days or if we were celebrating something like New Years. I tried leaving and I had even got my old job back but I wasn’t content and by then I had a case. I didn’t want my coworkers or my boss knowing what happened so I left before having to give an explanation.

(New Years 2011)

Through the whole way God covered me. Women in the game even tried helping me escape and although some may have just told me the truth out of jealously they helped me. When I walked the streets in Florida people would ask if they could pray for me. Even tricks would turn me down a lot saying they didn’t feel right dating me because I looked as though I didn’t belong. I always got that “what are you doing here you don’t belong.” But I didn’t know where I belonged so I put my life in someone else hands.

Today I’m free! How? My last pimp one night after an argument and him being tired of me sneaking around with my home girl drinking and getting high he sent me a text saying, “You need God. I can’t help you.” I left the game May 2011. I still had the game mentality and I tried dating but what I thought was smart since I knew the truth. I knew how to have sex and be disconnected about it. I knew to use protection now. I still failed. At my current job I was friends with this really nice lady and after almost getting into some serious trouble with the law with a guy I was dating I asked her, “If I sold my soul to the devil could I get it back?” She told me that I could never sell my soul to the devil and she told me about a man named Jesus. I wouldn’t dare go to church. For what? More people to judge me? People in my home town talked so bad about me and still do. Things really got worse when it got out that I had did an adult film. It wasn’t just any film it was a humiliation scene that included men degrading me. When I made the decision to do the film I was sold out the game and I felt it was no coming back and I was going to get into the porn industry because sex was about nothing but business at that point in my life. What I experienced on that film didn’t compare to all the hurtful words I received as a kid growing up. It didn’t compare to the pain I felt when after I opened up to a guy and found out he was running around town calling me a slut when all I wanted was his love. It didn’t compare to the pain I felt having to watch my Dad be a father to someone else’s kids. It didn’t compare to the neglect from my boys dads who acted as though they were really into me but left me hanging. It didn’t compare to the friends I had who stabbed my back and only used me for clothes, shoes, and to ride my car. It didn’t compare to the pain I felt when my uncle didn’t stand up for me but pressured me to dance to pay him back 80 dollars before any of this even occurred. I had so much internal pain that no one could see.  I was the nice chick if you ever got to know me. I would give you my last so you could have a first type of friend. An awesome mom to my boys. Friends I had were so busy telling me their problems and business nobody ever asked me, “How are you doing Chanel?” I was stripped of my identity and my heart was turned cold. By God’s grace I’m standing up today for broken women like me who have no voice!

So maybe you are where I was. Bored at your job. In that meaningless relationship. You know he’s no good. He’s cheated and you claim to forgive him but still search his phone. You party with your girlfriends to keep your mind off of the problems you face at home. Your drinking, smoking, or popping mollies. You post pictures of you bending over, you hang out at strip clubs, showing your butt, or in the tub giving guys all the wrong signals. This is the enemy planting his seed! Don’t fall for it another day! Don’t start defining your worth by how someone treats you. Don’t become like the man who is hurting by lowering your standards and being someone’s boo thang for the night. He can’t see the queen in you because he can’t see the queen in himself. Maybe nobody told you that you are A QUEEN! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! YOU DO DESERVE THE BEST! YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU ARE LOVED!

PLEASE DON’T FOLLOW THE TRENDS OF TODAY. IF YOU DON’T REMEMBER ANYTHING I HAVE SAID REMEMBER THIS ONE THING: YOU WERE BORN FOR GREATNESS!  YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE BASED ON WHAT YOU SERVE! SO IF YOU SERVE AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP GET READY FOR AN UNHAPPY LIFE FULL OF CHAOS! NO WEDDING CAN CHANGE A BROKEN MAN EITHER SO DON’T MARRY HIM IF GOD AINT HEALED HIM!

IT’S TIME TO HEAL YOU! YOUR HOME GIRLS ADVICE WON’T WORK BECAUSE SHE PROBABLY STUCK LOST AND CONFUSED LIKE YOU! IF YOU’RE READING THIS MESSAGE THIS IS A WARNING FOR YOU!

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO MAKE A NEW TURN! REAL LOVE COMES FROM GOD! FREEDOM COMES FROM GOD! LIFE COMES FROM GOD!

 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HUMAN TRAFFICKING AWARENESS MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I RISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you are reading this and ready to leave the industry and feel alone you’re not.

God has some amazing people ready to help you walk this out. I’m a survivor and you can survive too!!!!! Email: chaneldionne@lets-breakaway.com

Click here for help in the Dallas/Fort Worth area www.wearecherished.com

 Email: chaneldionne@lets-breakaway.com to speak with me personally.

More info on Human Trafficking click here:

http://www.dcjs.virginia.gov/victims/humantrafficking/vs/documents/Domestic_Sex_Trafficking_Guide.pdf

My Book, “Lost Girl Saved By Grace” is here:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01016HTLU?*Version*=1&*entries*=0

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20